Changing Your Life with PTSD, Part 1: Identification and Visualization

As frequent readers of this blog know, there was a time when I was struggling with my post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) almost full-time: I attempted to kill myself, was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, was released, then had to break free from a co-dependent, dangerous relationship, then struggled to break out of the career (retail management) that was contributing to my depression.

The way I did all this was not rocket science and there was no special trick to it. The first thing I did was identify exactly what I hated about my life and visualize the better thing I wanted to take its place.

I hated my career. Retail was killing my soul, and everyone I worked with and all of my friends knew it. I was constantly sick and depressed, and if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me “What’s wrong?” I’d be a rich woman today. I hated getting up in the morning, I hated showing up for work, I hated clocking in, I hated being there, and every day dragged like being with the dead. The reasons I stayed were different, and always the same: financial. I convinced myself that I couldn’t write for a living, that was a frivolous dream that no one really did and that I had to be practical. But practical was killing me.

So when I decided to live, getting out of the hospital, I set my sights on getting out of my career at any cost. I would get an office job if it killed me, and I would do anything for any price, start right at the bottom, as long as I didn’t have to push aspirin. I continued with my job merchandising for retail at first, and then started training to work as a reservationist for American Airlines. Then I was granted an opportunity to start at a recruitment agency, and I took it. I started at $10 an hour, but it was an office job. No weekends, no nights, no aspirin. And every day, I imagined the career where I would be writing most of the day.

I’m not trying to say that it was easy. But I have been thinking a lot about people like the Escape Artist who can’t see a way out. There may not be any help. It may be all up to you. If that’s the case, then you can’t waste time crying about it. You just have to identify what doesn’t work and figure out what you want, and then start on that path, no matter how hard it is. Because what else are you going to do? Even if it kills you, at least tomorrow will be different from today.